I just need to know i'm not the only one

[jaymo]

Hi every1 just needed to vent & see if their are any of u like me. I guess I'll start from the begining . I was born in Stamford CT in 1977 . My mother is Itailan & my father was an illegal from EL Salvador who married my mom to stay in the country . Needless to say after my sister was born 18 months after me he left remarried had 2 more kids won a law suit & left them to live in mexico with his 20 yr old girlfriend & their new child . I dont know if its a boy or girl . Sorry if I'm ramballing & also sorry about the misspelled words I didn't do that well in school . I had gotten in some trouble as a child & was taken from my mother @ 12 yrs old & put in a group home where they gave everybody antidepresants & thorezen because it was 1992 & that was the thing to do if u were a psycoligest working with children @ this time because that was what big pharma told them to do . Jump forward 18 months got out of the group home & started stealing cars a skill I learned in the grouphome . went into juvinial hall for a nother year . Then i got out & got my GED @ 16 & I thought who's the dummy now . boy was I wrong .So I Bull sh22ed for 2 years because I had no clue what to do . Now I know u all are wondering where the hell was ur mom during all of this . well shee suffers form mental illness & the older I'm getting the more I see it in me . I've been on meds for most of my life with minimal bennifit . went on to a trade school graduated top of my class & got a great job with my unckles friends dealership here in town . then I got my dream job working on Itilan supercars . I have 2 sons . when I had my first I had a breakdown & ended up in the hospital for a week then got out & on with my life . jump forward 4 years & we just had our 2nd son & shureenough I had another breakdown . Now I would like to talk about my fealings . I never had the fealing of love or being loved or loving someone & I thought that when I got married & had kids I would by some devine power beable to feal all of a sudden & everything would be ok but that didnt happen . I was allways a minipulator because thats how I had to be to get by in the grouphome & juvinial but i guess I manipulated people my hole life . so here i am 34 years old 2 kids & wife who moved back to here moms & I dont have any fealings she asks me if i miss them & i do I just dont have any fealings like I'm susposto I want to miss them & feal sad but its not there I love my children & my wife vary much in my brain but not my heart if that makes any sence its just that I've been just a fake my hole life I dont know who I am because I had just become who ever i needed to be in that instant .so i feal like I dont even know who I am . I have someone I talk to a perfecional but I'm hittin a wall my life is so cluttered I have somany hobbies & never finish enything I'm a great starter bun am unable to finish . I am also unable just to own one of somthing example I had a breakdown about 4 months ago & started a greenhouse & growing tons of coleus a plant known for its leaves not flowers . but it got crazy & I've got all these plants & nothing to do with them . I also have a boat that I took apart last year that Im not ever going to put back togather but I cant get rid of it . its funny that my wife is behind me with all this plant stuff my friend is going to let me set up a plant booth in front of his resturant so Im trying that this weekend . but I just always have crazy ideas like when I bought 10 black & white clowns to start breeding . in my mind all these thing will work but my wife says that i just dont think like regular people then I ask myself do regu;ar people stop dreaming is that being normal . Ive started a landscaping bisness here in lower fairfield county & im just trying to do something I love . just got the call that my wife & kids are coming back tonight !!!!!!!!! just wondering if enyone has trouble not knowing who they are or fealing issues I'm on 4 diffrent meds & just don't think its working I've been on them so long I dont know me without them I've talked to my DR & I'm going to try to come off them gradually & see what happens please chime in if anyone knows of a support group for somthing like this Thanks for listing Jason I'm gona post a pick of my best plant lmk what u think <center>
<a href="http://s223.photobucket.com/albums/dd258/jaymost/?action=view&current=DSC04900.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd258/jaymost/DSC04900.jpg" border="0" alt="watermelon coleus"></a>
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[dherrera83]

Im sure your not the only one. I have a friend who had a similar situation with not having "feelings" for his new born daughter. Hes now in the army and i hear from his wife that he misses them alot. What i am trying to get at is that sometimes life has a strang way of making you feel when you least expect it.

Im no doctor but try to take things easy and remember you have the rest of your life to find a new hobby. Right now look into finishing one before moving on. Or even try finding a hobby where you can include your family. Maybe something like that will help in some way. However, consult your doctor for a group support they ussually know all the groups.

I hope this helps in some way. BTW Nice plants! Very rich in Color!

 

[jaymo]

my dr put me on ritlan a month ago & I cant stop going to check myself in today ill write when I get out about 10 days thanks for listening all

 

[Josh]

I think in regards to your discussion about doing a million things and not completing anything, everyone does that. Hell, my mother has a different hobby every six months. Not finishing things is really not the issue here.

In my opinion, you definitely need professional help, and there is nothing wrong with admitting it. This isn't something you can fix with drugs or a short term hospital visit. When you get out you need to find a psychiatrist and a psychologist (these days they really do different things). Don't think that you can just get by with the drugs and seeing the psychiatrist every month or so. Find a psychotherapist that you like and see them regularly, meaning once a week minimum, probably 2x a week until you start to relax and make some progress.

Good luck.

 

[Timbo]

Everyone in this world has some kind of issue and some just hide it from others. It must have taken a lot to write what you just wrote on this forum and I respect that greatly. First, it sounds like you have a wonderful wife that is there for you and will always be there for you no matter what so hold onto her and look to her for support when you need it most!!! Take one day at a time and continue working toward happiness. Try different things to help with your problem. I for one am not a big supporter of drugs but for some it works and is the only solution. Just remember we are all just human and no one is perfect!!!!