The Worlds Most Interesting Man

[Imbarrie]

[FONT=&quot]When it is raining, it is because he is sad.

Even his parrot's advice is insightful.

If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines.

His shirts never wrinkle.

He is left-handed. And right-handed.

Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.

He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it.

You can see his charisma from space.

The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.

He once punched a magician. That's right. You heard me.

When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs...where there is no turning back.

If a monument was built in his honor, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Mt.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Rushmore[/FONT][FONT=&quot] would close, due to poor attendance.

It is said the sun comes up later on the 6th, in case his Cinco parties run long.

The Mayans prophecized his birth.

Even lucha libres remove their masks in his presence.

He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.

He serves sizzling fajita platters barehanded.

Bulls flat-out refuse to fight him.

He once buried a time capsule full of things that haven't happened yet.

He has been pronounced dead 7 times...make that 8.

His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.

He can't be bought, but his beard clippings have been know to show up on auction.

He has never lost a sock.

If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.[/FONT]

 

[Imbarrie]

Essay: In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

 

[TRIGGERMAN]

sounds like you're talking about Chuck Norris to me!

 

[TonyHNY]

lmao

sounds like you're talking about Chuck Norris to me!

 

[JimmyR1rider]

Imbarrie- you should apply to be the one that writes the next Doseckies commercial

 

[TRIGGERMAN]

Dos Equis *

 

[JimmyR1rider]

I really didnt care about the spelling- you knew what beer I was talking about

I also like Budwizer, Koorz, Ginnis, and Mikilob commercials

 

[Imbarrie]

Just found this online. Thought I would share it.


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