Most likely the problem is that you are not getting a healthy animal to start with, but even then, they can be nursed back to health if you know what you are doing. I suspect that the most common problem that people have with these animals is that most are not really reef creatures at all, and they don't tend to do well in a traditional reef environment. I know myself how fascinating the relationship between the clownfish and their host anemones are, and it's what first got me into setting up a reef tank when I was a kid, but like most everyone else, I failed back then. I still generally try to discourage most hobbyists from ever purchasing one for their reef aquarium.
Despite the frequency with which I have overheard an employee in a petshop claim that "anemones are hardy animals that are easy to keep," they have a dismal success rate in captivity. In fact, in the most detailed study done to date found that even among experienced reefkeepers, only about 1 in 13 anemones survived for 3 years or more and only 1 in 32 anemones survived for 5 or more years in captivity (which by most accounts is considered success in this hobby). Even if we consider 5 years to be a ripe old age for these animals in an aquarium (for an organism with a natural lifespan more than 100 years, this is roughly the equivalent of considering rearing a human to 1 year as being a "success"), only 3% of anemones purchased ever make it to this age. If we consider only those reefkeepers with less than 2 years of experience, the average life expectency of an anemone was only about 3 months.
So, it is not overly surprising that you have not had much success with these animals. I think that many, if not most, articles on anemones leave out a critical piece of information that most hobbyists on the boards will tell you if you ask: namely that anemones should be left to only experienced reefkeepers, and even then, the vast majority of anemones do not survive in captivity. I feel that many aquarists are mislead by retailers into thinking that anemones are appropriate for even a beginners reef tank. This couldn't be further from the truth, and I have an article explaining this in greater detail online in the Reefs.org library (
here), where Roni Talukdar also has a nice article on what it takes to keep an anemone in a reef tank (
here). Finally, Ron Shimek also has a book out called
Host Sea Anemone Secrets that would be a great resource if you decide that you really want to keep one of these animals in your aquarium.
I hope that helps you better understand what these animals need to survive in captivity, and you to decide better whether or not your tank is suitable to keep one of these animals. I wish you the best of luck if you decide to try again...
Rob